wounded dreams

No flowery words, no poetic language and no emotional dialogues

it’s just my anger and my anger what i wanna write and wipe off ... may be after puking it all here on this page I can get a sleep tonight.

Just turned the third page of a journal i read to catch gossip and masala everyday! But there was something unusual. I just saw the pic and something clicked! i know this guy. The picture was taken during the Bangalore 10 K and this guy stood 2nd or third in the race. i wasn’t sure but what happen to this athlete who is preparing for commonwealth near Mysore road. In the curiosity and excitement about the red circled face of sunil kumar i went to the 3rd page for detail story but before i could find sunil's photo, my eye balls cached the headline "Teacher gang-raped and killed". The trap formed by an ex student of a school teacher was no different from usual gang-rape stories but i read it three time to convince myself that this particular rapist was really an student of this lady who left alone his husband and two children after the brutal rape and killing. The family is fractured and broken just because the teacher relied on the student and took lift in his car. And i am ashamed, i am a gal reading this in news paper helpless... like every “ABALA” women in this world.

Well.. Sunil Kumar was attacked by some burglars and in an attempt to recover his chain from them he got a stamp on his chest as the burglars run away. Helpless Sunil was bagging to people walking on the street to just help him to reach the hospital, telling them he is an international athlete and he really need to be alive for the upcoming commonwealth game. Forget sympathy and mankind n..this is Bangalore where people never get into trouble for somebody they don’t even know.

Sunil Kumar was bagging to take him hospital, his t-shirt soaked in blood and the sharp knife still on his chest and the school teacher yelling and crying for a help in front of my eyes but like every other Bangalorean I can’t do anything. I am a selfish writing this at midnight just to get away with the thoughts and go get a nice sleep on bed like every Bangalorean who would have done the same every time they would have killed the kind soul of themselves in order to take the selfish human a lead and overshadow the mankind which I doubt still there in us.

A clean dirty game!

Date:18 september

Time:10.30 AM

Vanue:Wankhede Stadium,Board of Cricket Control of India

20-30 Camera's on tripod facing the receptionist sitting behind the glass doors of BCCI.

One by one shin shine CRV and Auddie's of selectors arriving at the Macca of Indian cricket and bread and butter of plenty sports correspondents . All five(selectors) surprisingly looked upon the camera's and reporter's faces probably asking isn't it so much for a domestic series IRANY TROPHY.

All have gone inside but eyes of all journalists were waiting for a man whom they call lifesaver and masala maker the "big mouth" and he comes the then secretory Niranjan Shah.

In his typical Gujju accent "Aaj Kya Hai Bhai Aap Log Sab Yanha "

12.30whispering here and there...did u got the list ,ne new name ???fab four are sureC my list is done these 14 are fixed one name can vary..Chalo chalo lagao .. lagao .. ready mera boom! are take mine also Yes Sir Ready..Niranajan Shah ready with the list in hands.The selection committee has selected the following squad for the upcoming Irani Trophy

Anil Kumble (capt),

Sachin Tendulkar,

Mahendra Singh Dhoni (wk),

VVS Laxman,

Rahul Dravid,

Wasim Jaffer,

Mohammad Kaif,

Pragyan Ojha,

Zaheer Khan,

Munaf Patel,

Parthiv Patel,

RP Singh,

Ashok Dinda,

Harbhajan Singh

...

Showing the smartness someone hiding behind the cameras asked Sir ek naam rah gaya Sourav Ganguly.

Sourav Ganguly is not there..

How can it be..

Do you think its the right decision?

You think Sourav's has been axed intentionally?

Is that the end of the road for Sourav The decision has been taken by the selection committee i m not authorized to comment on there behalf. (Diplomatic Answer! when did this man got brain surprise)5 Phonos one by one in every half and hors 3 lives Wat a day for a sports journo (selectors made my day) Big News : Is Dada's Dadagiri Over.8.30 Pm Marine Lines Just done with the Voice at 8 liveFreak!!!ohhh felt like eyelashes kissed each other after long years Was that just the darkness i feel every time when i close my eyes when i sleep when i pray to god when i cry when i take a deep breath to fight the angel inside me.i never believed, but trust me its tough to lie Something deep inside you always pinch, echos and it not only happening with me it happened with all when the gray overshadow the white.

The moment my eyelashes touches each other .. it was some other world !The world of dark... deep so deep, Dark but so clear what an irony !I can see only black dark shadows coming from the darker side of the ME.Pakaau! what the f*** is happening here!!! every shadow is hitting me hard firing questions on me as my Anchors do but unlike always i have no answers for any.

3 Minutes i sleep for ages as my OB Engineer woke me up

"Ma'm 5 min main live hai frame main aaiye"

Beta! why are you looking so sleepy wash your face people will sleep seeing such a tired reporter.

I wish this live would cancel. Enough for today enough for my whole life can we end this.

Injust: M'am r u ok??? you are through Anchor's Name ****** ****

I took a deep breath without closing my eyes.

Hmm Ready Up (thumps up signal to cameraman)

1

2

3

Namaskar Main hoo ****** **** aur aap dekh rahe hai ***** at 9

Its all a bloody dirty game why m i doing this

Hffffff how much time i have?

Injust: 45 seconds

I close my eyes in order to encounter wid the darkness again but this time i saw bloody marine lines, a wonded hand holding a DV tape and a white-red paper of press reliese sucked in the blood of Subhojit(********) who just said to me u r late m'am i going going to feed the byte and didnt come back...

OK m ready let it be a dirty game, i have to do it neways..

beep beep beep beep Arey kya hua??

Injust: your live has been dropped

The silver light on the sea water reflects on my face saying your black can never overshadow my pure Whiteness...How hard you try you can not get rid of those pinches,

A voice echoes" let it be a dirty game "

wo jo kaha nahi PAPA

Mera beta kaisa hai tu.. kanoo me ye shabd padate se hi aankhoo se pani chalakne ko betab hone laga. Fathers day to bas ek bahana tha, Maksad bas aapko yaad dilana tha ki me bhi aapke kande par sar rakhakar batana chahati hoo, aap sahi the. Ye duniya itni acchi nahi hoti jitani bahar se dikhti hai.

zindagi ki kadwahat ka ghoot aapki beti ko na pina pade iski koshish ki thi aapne, par shayad mere hisse me ye kadwahat hi likhi hai. Aur ye aapse behtar shayad aur koi nahi jaan sakta.

Maine hamesha aapka wo pyara beta banane ki koshish ki jise aap kho kar bhi bhula nahi paaye. Aapse ye bat kabhi kahi nahi par, meri har jit ka maksad bas aapko ye ahsaas dilana hota tha ki aapki beti bhi aapka naam roshan kar sakti hai.

shayad dunia me aap akele hai jo apni likhi kavitaye apani beti se edit karwate honge aur uski likhi bakwaas panktiyo ki tarif karke kahate honge, wah! tu to accha likhne lagi hai !, main aapse lambi ho gayi ho papa ! ye kah kah ke chidana aur aapke canvas shoes pahan kar jogging par bhag jana, subah subah ki walk par sawalo ki bochar se aapko nahlana, Aur fev dal banane ke liye maa ko bakwas gane sunana... Waqt ne hamari jholi me kuch gine chune mithe pal diye, par in mithe paloon ke sahare hi , 16 salon se aapka sath na hone se panapi kadwahat me bhi mithas baki hai.

Mere pass us pal ko baya karne ke liye koi shabd nahi, jab pahlai bar mera result aur ek akhbar ka tukada hath me laker aapne kaha tha ki meri beti ka naam akhabar me aaya hai.

Aapke garv se bhare wo shabd the aur aaj ka din hai, har kadam par bas yahi koshish karti rahi ki hamesha aapke muh se ye sun pao. Par halant aur zimmedari ne sach-much aapki beti ko beta bana diya. Aapko pata na hopar papa aapke is bete ko aaj bhi aapke muh se ek bar phir usi garv ke sath

meri beti sunane intzar hai aur hamesha rahega

Aapki BETI

Chamakti aankhein

Jadui ghode, raja- rani,buddha kisan aur pariyo ki kahani sunate hue sara bachpan beeta. Waqt badala, log badale, rishte badale par meri kahaniyo ke ye kirdar hamesha wahi rahe na hi samay unhe badal paya aur na hi halat.

Roj sapano me kabhi kisan ka beta Ivan aakar Azagar se ladane lagta to kabhi jangle me ghomate ghomate do shair ke bacche apni maa se bichad jate. sapano ki wo duniya chahe kuch pal ke liye apni hoti thi par usake jaisa

apanapan kahi naa tha.

Aas-paas jine aur rahane wale sab the, par meri duniya inhi kahani ke kirdaro ke bich hi rahi. kabhi nani me mujhe Ivaan ki maa dekhai di to kabhi Dadaji me buda kisan. Daadi ke lambe safed baloo aur halake nile suti rajasthani base me wo mujhe kisi safed pari se kam najar naa aati thi. Hame kahani sunate hue unki aankho ki chamak bhi kahani ke romanch ke sath badati jati thi aur baadalo me pariyo ka mahal unki aankho me saf nazar aata tha. Daadi to pariyo ke desh chali gayi par us pari ko mere kale saye se bandh gayi.

Zindagi ne na-jane kitane moud liye har moud par laga kuch thaharu, aaram kar lu par un chamakati aankho ne kabhi rukane na diya. Amavas ki kali rat me bhi mere kale saye se chipaki us pari ne chand ko bujhane nahi diya.

Har kale ghane andhere me uska safed rang mujhe maa ke aanchal ki tarah lapete raha. Har tanhai aur bheed me jab bhi apane ko akela payaa, usaki

ek halki si muskrahat ne mujhe phir apani sapano ki duniya me kheech liya.

Kali kothri me jane se pahale hi wo chamakti aankhe aur chehare par vishwas bhari hansi ne chahkar bhi kuch galat karane naa diya. Aajtak wo pari bhitar hi rahi par ... achanak ! bas kuch logo aur najuk lamho ki mahrabani hui aur usane ehsas dila diya ki wo chamakati aankhe kabhi mera sath nahi chodane wali. mera bachapan chahe kitna piche choot gaya hoo bachapana kabhi nahi chootega.

Shayad ye jadoo ki duniya aur kahani ke kirdar har jane aur anjane cheharo me muskurate rahenge aur chamakati aankhein har andhere me roshani ke diye jalati rahengi hamesha..

Make it OR Fake it !

News of the day is soon i will be joining the gang of gangsters which are called watch dogs of the country.And might not be able to write the truth behind the screen so just tring to throw out all garbage which is inside, before entering in the real mess.

Right from the begging i was told about ethics in journalism

so many guest lactures

every day tonic from teacher

n... things not end here

it just a starting point, the moment you enter into the industory the whole "ghole kar pilaya hua lacture" seems nothing but an illusion which you cant even imagine in the industory.

before taking you in organisation the first question any authority will ask you, is not-

How ethical you are ?

or not even what can you do for the society !

strait forward, one question :At what cost you can bring out the news?

you just enter in the world and the whole glamour will go off. you came to know that all news chennal which has converted into the entertainment channels now always hunt for the peg in everything what has happen.

Here the most succesful one is not who gives maximum info but the one which can cheat the viewer most !

All your ethics, rules regulation beliefs will vapour when you have to work hours together to filled one P2C in your profile the cut throght copetetion itself teach you, how should a journalist has to work. well i already started the journey so just need blessings and good wishes from u all

hope for me it will take a few more time to become a gangster n make myself believe in the funda of Either make it or Fake it but news must sell...

Khamoshi Se Bat

जब भी मेरी तनहाई उदास होती है

उसकी khamoshi से बात होती है


चुप रहकर वो सारी बात कहती है
अपनी रूखी पल्नको को भिगोती है

चमकते चांद को वो देखती है
पर अंधेरे कि उसको तलाश होती है

घंटो बेठे गिनती है तारे आसमान के
लेकिन कोशिशे नाकामयाब होती है

छुपाया नही कुछ हमेशा कहती है
हर चुप्पी मे पर कोई बात होती है

लपेटे रहती है हंसी चेहरे पर
पर भीतर से अक्सर उदास होती है

नही कोई सुनने वाला है उसकी
अंतर से ऐसी कोई आवाज़ उठती है

खो गयी अगर दुनिया के शोर मे
ये सोच- सोच कुछ नही कहती है

जब भी मेरी तनहाई उदास होती है
उसकी बस.....khamoshi से बात होती है

chori kiya re...

30 march 2006

10 am.

Bistar par bikhare pade sal bhar bitaye lamho ko ek-ek kar samet rahi thi jab 98.4 FM yaroo dosti badi hi hansi hai suna raha tha. Radio mirchi 98.4 FM gaan khatam hote hi sunai diya pahli bar us roking tune me bhi dard laga,laga ye dhun dobara kabhi sunayi na degi.Na monika galexi me free ki ice cream khayenge aur na saturday night mirchi ki dhun par rat bhar nachenge.

kanoo par doosara gana sunai diya aur maine doud kar volume tez ki, gana tha le chale le chale..
padosi room se awaz aai "aaj to sare gane jane walo ke liye hi baj rahe hai ye charoo(radio mirchi's RJ) ko ghoos khila kar aayi hai".

"Mujhe pata hai pinka tumhara gala kharab hai kitni bar bola hai pasine me pani nahi pina chahiye".

Main itna tez cheekh rahi thi ki gane ki awaz ke bich pinka acche se sun sake par kano me awaz padi "batane ki zaroorat nahi hai ki tum aaj 1 baje ja rahi hoo".... wo mere piche khadi mera saaman samet rahi thi.

To hamare liye kitna chodkar ja rahi hoo, tumhe wapas bhi to aana hai aadha saman to tum bhoolkar hi jaogi naa ..?

Dekhte hi dekhte mera 10x20 ka room jo bas chand aur ghante mera tha bhid se bhar gaya.
Choti, Pinka , kali, Pragy, Ritu, Asmi di, Nehu, Chiki, Shobha n one who now doesnt exist for me now!
Me : Are yar darwaza band karo kuch bahut important bat karni hai
(choti ne bhag kar kundi lagai chatakani bhi. )
Choti: ha di jaldi batao kya bat hai ?
Me:Accha me pahle hi bata rahi hoo jitane log yaha hai koi bhi bahar jakar kuch nahi bolega. Yaha diwaro ke bhi kan hote hai, koi kuch nahi bolega pakka !
(Sab log ek sur me): Pakka !!
Me: ok to suno ! main hostel se ek chiz churakar le ja rahi hoo
kuch to yad rahni chahiye na !
Choti: kya? konsi chiz?(start guessing)
Gas lighter?
Himangi di ki CD?
Gunde ka kuch...
Ya phir abhi ka milk mug?
Me:Abe nahi yaar in sab ka main kya karoongi
Chiki: To phir?
Me:dont worry beta tum log ka kuch nahi le ja rahi
warna tumhe yaha bethkar batati thode hi
pragy:(fade up by all this)
chalo chalo sabha samapt ye last time jate jate bhi sabko bewkoof banakar jayegi..
Oye! tujhe sharam nahi aati jate hue bhi gaali sunkar jayegi, chal packing kar chup chap
Kali: Chalo chalo yar ye he na phaltoo ulloo bana rahi hai but aap bhi sun lo is bar ham bewkoof banane wale nahi!
(ek-ek karke sab badbadate hue nikal gaye par Pragy ab bhi mere bed par takiya laker padi thi)
Me:Ha beta aaj aur is bed par so lo kal se nilam di ka chadar bikherana
Pragy:Ha yaar tu chali jayegi to mujhe pakane wala koi nahi rahega :(
Me: i know, aur phir tujhe din me godmorning karke uhane wala bhi koi nahi hoga na
Pragy:(utsukata se ) waise tu le kya jane wali thi..
(darwaze ke khoolane ki aawaz choti wapas room me )
Me:beta tujhe school nahi jana aaj
Choti:Di aap sach main ja rahe hoo
phir me aamlet banane par kisko datungi
apne bakwas poem kisko sunaongi ,pragy di ki burai kisse karoongi
accha wo sab chodo exam aa rahi hai, chemistry koun padayega.

Me:Accha hamari chemistry to bhut kahrab hai na MP board wali
Pragy: oye kisne kaha MP board walo ki chemistry acchi nahi hoti
Choti:Dekho pragy di jita jagta example
Me:Maregi tujhe rat ko beta isi ke room me sona hai tujhe aur aaj to intercom se bat karke bachane wala bhi koi nahi hoga.
Choti:Accha di aap kya le jane wale hoo batao na
Me:ok waise baatna to nahi tha par.. chalo baat deti hoo, Nilam di ki album se ek photo le ja rahi hoo
dono ek sur me : what !!
Me: Ha unke birth day wala
(ohh....... phir se dono ek sur me)
Both: Accha wo photo ! sari plan chopat kar diya ok le ja ham bhi yad rakhenge koi chor hamare hostel me rahta tha
Maine di ki album se wo photo nikal kar apne slam book me rakha bacha kucha saman sameta aur dusare safar ke liye kamar kas li ..
Photo jo mere bhachapan me churaye hue kattche aamo, adhapake amarudo aur school me chalk ke tukdo ke alawa bade hone ke bad pahli chori kah sakate hai

wo chori jise maine kuch hi ghnatoo me kabool kar liya.
Sham ko ghar pahuchte hi di ko call karke bola di aapka wo photo maine le liya hai
Aur uttar mila jo socha nahi tha
Mujhe pata tha ki tu wo photo laker jayegi maine to uski dusari copy banawane dal di hai !
Well chori nakamyab rahi kyonki photo ki malkin to pahle se hi dene ke mood me thi.
par... Koshish nakam nahi rahi kyonki wo sunahari yaad bankar aaj bhi mere kamre ki diwar par tanga hai aur aaj mere me bhi lagne ja raha hai Sampurn katah ka sar yah hai ki koshishe kabhi zaaya nahi hoti aur chori karana buri bat nahi hai. samjhe bhakt jano.Ab is katha ko padne wale sabhi priya-jan katha padne ki dakshina ke roop me ek ek comment post karenge !
Shree Beyond Me ki katha samapt !